Always We Begin Again, pt. 2

This post title is the name of a book by John McQuiston. It's a layman's application of the rule of St. Benedict to modern life. I've always been attracted to spiritual practice, and this book was profound in its effect on me. It's been a while since I've read it, and I have given my copy away. I find myself recently in search of a practice, and am slowly realizing that it's been under my nose the whole time. Music is as divine a thing as there is, and its mindful practice can be a deeply spiritual pursuit. It's my intention to explore this idea in my own experience in a way I've never fully experienced before.

I've had seasons of regular, meaningful musical practice but it's been awhile. I don't believe I've ever really invested myself in it. I've had moderate success in music due mostly to good fortune and a measure of natural ability. My thesis now is that it is never too late to begin again. Rather than feel discouraged by the apparent success of my contemporaries and now those younger than me, I am beginning to feel encouraged by the power of the divine in music and a clearer vision of myself as a musician.

Always, I begin again.

Always We Begin Again

Is it ever too late to begin again? I find myself looking back over what I see as a life of missed opportunity and unfulfilled potential. Probably not such an uncommon thing, but it's really come to a head for me. I've always gotten by on talent, whether in school or music or pretty much anything else. I never really had to work too hard in high school to compare favorably with those around me. As I got older, I just never put myself in challenging situations. The first time I tried out for Lion's Band, I went down unprepared and found Mike Sims ready. It intimidated the crap out of me, and I never went back. As a senior, I chickened out at Northeast Tryouts because I saw some folks there who I thought would keep me from 1st chair. I faked sick and sat on the bus. At Ole Miss, I took the bass drum spot because I thought someone else was more qualified. At Southern, I didn't take advantage of the atmosphere and left with my tail tucked.

I have a long history of being afraid to "go for it" in situations where I think I'm not good enough or that someone else is better. I'm content to be the best in the room, and look for situations where I can make that happen; avoiding challenging situations has been a consistent part of my decision making process. I compare my self with others, not pushing myself to my own limits. I let mistakes hold me back and discourage me. I let greatness in others reinforce my own feelings of inferiority.

I need to focus on realizing my own potential, letting hard work and practice reveal the full measure of my talent. I need to be inspired by others to make my own contributions. I need to put myself in situations where I am challenged to grow.

There it is, today's confessional. Cathartic? - maybe; it feels like I've put a name on it for once. Time to move on.

Darkness on the Delta

I find myself at Delta State University for the DSU Honor Band. I had a tuba player make the band this year, only the 2nd student I've had in my time at Smithville. I've enjoyed hanging out with my old friend Sam Cunningham as well as renewing some new aquaintances at DSU. I'm missing my family, though, an will be happy to get home to them tomorrow. Peace!

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Tough Year got Tougher!

Almost Christmas, though; enough said!

On the road

Riding home from the last football game of the season. A tough year for the Seminole Marching Band. Ready to move on to other things. Christmas parade prep, concert band, and indoor color guard are next on the agenda.


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Location:Nix Rd,Winona,United States

One time at band camp...

I'm midway through day 2 of ICC band camp, and it's going great. Yesterday was way long, but I can feel myself getting into a groove already. I think I've settled on my concert pieces; this afternoon's rehearsal will tell for sure. Literature selection is tough, especially given the current state of my music library. All in all, I feel good about what I'm doing this week, and am thankful for the opportunity.


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In and Out

I got in from family vacation late Thursday, and today I'm out to ICC Band Camp in Fulton. This year at camp, I'm conducting a band for the first time. Until now I've always taught percussion classes, so I'm excited to have a new challenge this summer. I'll be working with the Gold Band along with Len Killough from Oxford. Len and I are old friends, and it should be a lot of fun working together. I'm certainly excited and looking forward to the concert on Friday. More than that, I'm looking to enjoy getting to know some student musicians from some other schools.